I apologized but can someone empathize....

I have had a HELL of a summer but what happenned this past Wednesday was the worst for me. I was watching my niece and I just brought her inside. She climbed in her car seat and stood up. I immediately took her out and faced her toward the kitchen. I heard my mother call her name. I turned around to pick up my cell phone, I took it out of the case and as I turned back around she was in the car seat again, standing up and reaching...



and then it fell over. There was a television about 1 ft behind the car seat, I'm not sure if her mouth hit the television or the hard would floor.



I immediately picked her up and she immediately began to scream. There was blood everywhere. My mother ran to us and took ehr from me, brought her to the bathroom and tried to rinse her mouth with water to see where the blood was coming from. My father assisted her with this.



Then my mother told me to go get her bottle, so perhaps she would stop crying. As I went down the stairs, I looked at where the car seat was and saw something white on the floor. It was her tooth, including the root. I wanted to scream myself but instead I ran up the stairs and told my parents we needed to take her to the emergency room.

They called my sister to let her know what happenned. She called me on our way up to the hospital to see if her daughter was alright. My niece was whining but no longer screamming.

When we reached the hospital we didn't have to wait. The doctor looked at her and said that it was only the tooth and that her lip was swollen but not really punctured and that she would need to take some antibiotics to prevent infection and also see a doctor about any other alternatives.

My heart dropped. I didn't understand how something so big could happen so fast and the worst part is that she was with me.

My sister caught an early flight back. and hasn't spoken to me at all. I recieved a text message from her stating that she needs time to deal with it before she can speak to me.

My hopes are that she understands it was an accident and that I would never do anything to hurt my niece or want anything to happen to her. I want her and her husband to both know that I was watching her and that I apologize for everything. My niece is my heart and I was hurt too and I am still hurting. It's a pain that is constant and strong and as much as I want it to stop hurting, it's going to stay with me for the rest of my life. Everytime I see her face, her smile and hear her voice my thoughts will be reminded of my mistake.

Airport Drama

I am currently sitting in the Charlotte Int'l Airport in North Carolina. I don't know whom of you have ever watched the movie Love Actually but my experience here is not as that movie describes. There are no happy faces. I am looking at people right now who are giving each other ice grills because of no reason and a warning of a code oranges keeps getting anounced.



I understand that people need to be aware of threats and I totally agree with the saying "If you see something, say something" but I believe that there is a limit. I think that after a time period everyone just because suspicious of everything.... OMG! a bag that's unattended!!!! OMG! a black guy who looks suspicious!!!! What the hell, seriously?



I think that travelling without help can be a jarring experience if you think of all the "could be's"... you could get into an accident, your plane could crash, a drunk driver could hit you, you could fall asleep behind the wheel, etc. but if youlive your life based on the could be's you not going to be able to fully experience what is. Why do we have to establish more fear within ourselves before realizing that we're only here for a short time anyway.

So fly where you must, drive where you must, walk down the street for all I care. Just don't let everything have an influence on you... you can do bad by yourself.

I think I'm going to plan my next flight...

Night and Day, Gay and Straight...Different but One in the Same

I'm not sure if it's the right idea to start my first blog with such a statement but who's to define what's right or wrong?(me...it's my blog so stop reading if you don't like it! lol)

I've been in love, who hasn't? I've loved some off my ex-boyfriends and my ex-girlfriend. Who decides which is better... is it based on gender, personality or unique individual characteristics?

I had boyfriends because as a young woman that's what you do. You meet a guy, you flirt and then you start "dating". Whatever the hell that means. When I was younger I think I defined dating someone as the boy who claimed me. The one who: would call me all the time, compliment my clothes, buy me the valentine or a birthday gift or make me the tape of love songs. Then one day it would be over and I would have one week of sobbing until I moved on to the next. Besides,in the back of my mind, I'm staring at the other girls asses just as much as he may be or maybe even more.

As an adult, there are two or more sides to everything. When I want a relationship all the other person wants is sex or the ones who want a relationships aren't stable enough financially or mentally to even own a goldfish. But now, as an adult I get my option between the two. This does not, I repeat DOES NOT make the situation any better. I've heard women & men say,"It's hard to find a good man." I've heard men & women say, "It's hard to find a good woman." But what the hell... if you can't find one on either end then what do you do?

And what the hell defines a relationship anyway? A relationship of any sort needs to be based on something in common and also has room for growth... but I digress. If any relationship or set of people is hard to find then what makes the gap between gays and straight so wide. They're not night and day in that aspect. As an adult, I find myself on that line and crossing it whenever convienent or when I see a good catch. Plus, I get to holla at the women now, and I can tell you, with my most honest opinion: Dick and Pussy are GRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEAAAAATTTT!!!!!

But anyway...

I understand that to find a good person you need to exude confidence. You need to first be comfortable with yourself before you expect anyone else to be. But I don't understand that why you can't find someone for support during this process... Out of all the men and women in the world... why is it so hard to find a few people to build wholesome relationships with. Regardless of whether it's sexual or just a friendship, a good person is hard to find.

I welcome good men and good women in my life, any orientation (and no that does not mean I have sex with all my friend, I just don't judge them.) As I continue to focus on my growth and my development I need people who are doing the same for themselves. I will be a better person (wait for the next blog to read about all of my issues...lol) and I will have better people around me.

If you see this within yourself... then take flight with the phoenix