Hurt and lONEly

I feel like I'm not here... I feel like I'm invisible.
My heart is as cold as ice and nothing is trying to melt away my pain.
Every breath I take is agaonizing to my spirit.

Why do I continue on... why do I continue to live an unsatisfying life.
The tears running down my face are real.
The pain and numbness all at the same time send mixed signals to my brain which leaves me vague questions, no answers and pure and utter confusion.
Am I a bad person to not understand all of the things that happen to me in my life?
Am I so late to comprehend that the lesson I was supposed to learn is no longer beneficial?

When I smile and look past all of the sadness, the loneliness, the indecisiveness which is me... I begin to then see the sadness in everyone else.
I am not strong enough to carry my own cross yet I shed tears for situations that people refuse to see that their in.
Should I tell them, that from the outside looking in, it's clear to me?
Will that bring them to the same state that I'm in now.
I'm not the person sitting at a table called misery looking for someone to join me, but I am the one looking for someone to call me to the table of happiness or decisions or joy.

In each day, whether the sun shines bright or not, there will be a good moment.
I find myself searching for these moments, hoping that they won't pass me by.
Even if it's just for one second, an unexpected hug, a nice email, or a phone call, I appreciate it.
Good or bad, I'm learning and living... alone and dazed but seeking the light at the end of the tunnel.